


Who Needs Golgafrinchams?

by themcelroysubiquitousdeborah



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Genre: Beards, M/M, PWP, Rafting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:25:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themcelroysubiquitousdeborah/pseuds/themcelroysubiquitousdeborah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In The Restaurant at the End of the Universe when Ford and Arthur hitch a lift with the Golgafrinchams and unwittingly end up on primitive Earth, they decide to take a raft trip across the ocean to confirm their suspicions that it was, indeed, Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Needs Golgafrinchams?

“Ford, dear friend,” said Arthur, reclining lazily on the raft, feeling the brush of his bushy beard against his chest. “I’m beginning to be rather sick of fish.”

“Arthur, dear friend,” answered Ford Prefect, idly scratching his belly button. “So am I. But what’s to be done about it? Unless you have some other brilliant idea for food, or unless you’re planning to convert to cannibalism, I’m afraid it’s the only choice we have.”

“Does it actually count as cannibalism, though, if the person being eaten isn’t actually a person, but a being from a planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?”

Ford considered this for a moment, and failed to answer. He thoughtfully picked at his fingernail while Arthur took this opportunity to scratch at a small point behind his knee.

Ford Prefect lay on one side of the raft, using his brightly colored jumper and appropriately loud jacket as a pillow. He had discarded both of these items in light of the hot sun beating down on the two of them every day on this voyage. His ever-present satchel lay open between the two of them, and his copy of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy lay near it. Between the two of them, they had read most of it already. Ford had initially been very annoyed with Arthur for his insistence on reading the entry on the Earth (“mostly harmless”) over and over again, but after a while he found it soothing. At least, he reflected, it wasn’t too long.

Arthur Dent happily occupied the other side of the raft, stretched out now on his belly. He, too, had discarded his constant companion the dressing gown in favor of going about only in his boxer shorts. This decision had been made quite a long time ago, and Arthur’s skin was beginning to tan nicely.

“So what sort of essential differences are there between you and I anyway? I mean, how different are beings from planets somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse from human beings?”

Ford blushed. “You know, I never really got around to conducting any extensive studies.”

“What, in all that time on the Earth? You mean in fifteen years you never…?”

“No,” said Ford sharply. He scanned the waves for some imaginary speck.

“Oh,” said Arthur quietly. “That must’ve gotten a bit lonely.”

“Yes,” Ford answered simply. 

Then, in the most uncharacteristic and sudden act Arthur Dent had ever, or would ever, commit, he suddenly leaned over and kissed Ford Prefect firmly on the lips. Ford’s eyes jerked suddenly open in surprise, but he soon relaxed into the sensation, which Arthur was finding quite new and interesting. He had never kissed a man before, especially not a fully bearded one, and he was finding all the different ways he could be scratched and tickled quite an education. Neither Arthur nor Ford considered the other’s enjoyment initially, just kissed with reckless abandon. When they both suddenly realized what they were doing, however, they both realized that they were clingingly tightly to each other in a mass of tangled, panting humanity. They pulled their faces away from each other and when both men realized that the enjoyment was reciprocal, they immediately rejoined their embrace.

After several more minutes of this, the two backed off a bit and sat back from each other, continuing to pant and sweat.

“Ford,” Arthur said suddenly, “Can we…? I mean, is it physically possible? Do you think we ought to consult the Guide?”

“Arthur,” answered Ford, beginning to catch his breath, “I really don’t think the guide is going to have a whole lot to say about the physics of anal sex. I think we ought to just look and see.” With that, and a quick movement of his hands and wrists, Ford had removed Arthur’s boxers to reveal his erect cock. “Looks fine to me,” he said with a lewd grin. Arthur looked embarrassed and instinctively tried to cover himself, until he looked up into the penetrating and lust-filled eyes of his friend. 

Then, in the second most uncharacteristic and unpredictable act he had committed, Arthur quickly worked the button and the zip and divested Ford of his trousers. Several adjectives are needed to describe the exact thoughts that went through his mind immediately, those being: relief, arousal, shock, thirst, and unabated glee. He was thrilled beyond words to find the anatomy he was hoping to see, and an exceedingly good example of it as well.

He felt himself drawn to touch Ford’s cock, so he did. It wasn’t quite what he expected, but he hadn’t really taken the time to set many expectations, so he ignored that. He tentatively ran his fingers over the hard length, then gave it a bit of an exploratory squeeze. This elicited a low moan from Ford, so he did it again. This brought on another moan and a few drops of liquid on the head of his cock. Arthur was mesmerized by these and decided his job was to lick them up. So he did that, which brought on another moan and an involuntary thrust of Ford’s hips. It had been a very long time for poor Ford and any contact was at the same time exhilarating and frustrating.

Suddenly Arthur stopped entirely and looked up at Ford’s sweaty face. 

“Ford,” he said plainly. “Do us a favor and fuck me.” Ford sighed his relief as Arthur suddenly and without warning dove back to the head of his cock. He began to suck and lick tenderly and Ford wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.

“Arthur...”he moaned, “My satchel.” Once again, Arthur stopped entirely.

“Your what?” he asked, confusedly. A satchel is one of many things one does not expect to hear about during the throes of sexual passion.

“My satchel,” he panted. “Oil.” A sudden flash of comprehension leapt over Arthur. He scrambled for the satchel lying in the middle of the raft and fished out a small bottled clearly labeled “fertiliser” for reasons unknown to Arthur. Nonetheless, he picked it up triumphantly and handed it to Ford. 

Ford decided that now would be a great time to take charge, and carefully nudged Arthur’s legs into a spread position. He put himself between them and began to use the oil, which smelled to Arthur suspiciously like olive oil, to coat his penis. Once that was done (and quite thoroughly to both their delight), Ford spread a liberal amount on his fingers. Arthur looked at him wide-eyed as Ford began to gently massage Arthur’s opening with his fingers.

Arthur gasped and moaned with pleasure and surprise as one of Ford’s fingers went in. He was startled by how much he enjoyed it and even more startled when a second finger joined the first one. He was quickly learning to enjoy this sensation, and the added sensation of a third finger when it suddenly went away. He whimpered slightly until he felt the push of Ford’s cock at his opening.

As Ford pushed in, Arthur suddenly bucked back against him, very effectively filling himself. Ford moaned loudly. 

“Zarquon, Arthur. You’re so zarking tight. I can’t take this.” Arthur moaned intelligently in reply. Ford began to move slowly inside of Arthur. As he did so, he gripped Arthur’s cock and began stroking it in no particular rhythm. Luckily for Arthur, this happened to be the exact same rhythm with which he was being fucked, so it worked out quite well for him. 

Soon the rhythm proved too much for both of them. Arthur came first in great spurts on Ford’s chest. As he came, he tightened around Ford’s thrusting cock, which made him come harder then he normally would have. The sensation of having all that new and interesting liquid inside of him was completely new to Arthur and as he lay back, he decided he liked it. Ford lay back as well now, flaccid and exhausted, but definitely happy. 

Arthur raised himself up on one elbow to steal a glance at his best friend. “It would appear that our anatomy is pretty compatible then.”

Ford chuckled. “Yeah, so it would.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my ancient adultfanfiction.org account. (Written in 2004. Yes, that ancient)


End file.
